Life updates 2.0

It's been a good 3+ months, m'dear

I've left SAM. Three months together – it was good while it lasted. At the beginning I was so excited. It'd be my first time ever experiencing a relationship like this.

Almost everyday I'd leave the house in anticipation to come meet him and the rest, my heart fluttering at the thought of being together for a whole day.

Learning under his guidance was enriching. Experiencing the fatigue was new to me. I'd been sheltered all my life; the others I'd nearly committed myself to were never enough.

Our lives got routinely towards our second month. I'd go over, set-up whatever was assigned and blazed through the first half of the day. Lunch became a mundane necessity that pulled me through the next half. Walking away from him felt like the only highlight of the day. I'd expected it, just like in the stories I've read and seen. Mentally preparing myself just wasn't enough.

Then I snapped.

It was terrifying. I hadn't expected this to happen to me, to us. Our other friends had to intervene. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and it was hard to face him again. Things couldn't go "back to normal" like they used to. It kept replaying over and over again in mind – it wasn't healthy – for the both of us, and the ones around us. Slowly, I started to distance myself, finding excuses not to leave the house. I was appalled at my own behaviour.

Two more weeks. Two more weeks and it'll be over.

I didn't think I'd ever hand to him that letter. I remember the first few days we spent together. I was so gung ho about it, so happy and willing to make it work.That was then, and I had to face reality. Two weeks didn't seem like much, given the time we'd already spent together, but it was excruciatingly difficult. Not just for me, but for my loved ones too. This relationship was costing more trouble than it was worth.

The days didn't seem to inch closer. They seemed stretched and far away, like I had to run a mile before I crossed the finish line. I couldn't run. I barely had the will to walk, let alone smile like he expected me to.

On the last day together, I was happy to be leaving. Which was sad, in a bittersweet way. There were so many pleasant memories we had shared with others but that one day clouded those memories.

Walking away from him felt exhilarating, given my state for the past weeks.

I'll still visit, see you soon!
I'll miss you, but you'll see me again.
Goodbye.

I hadn't announced my departure to the rest of our friends. I wanted to disappear and leave, as if my existence throughout my stay with him was like a dew drop rolling off a leaf. Beautiful, but temporary.


Nurul xx

ps: How's that for a bit of writing? I've hardly gotten in touch with my writer side – and describing a temporary job experience as a relationship was certainly worth the time. With all that said and done, I'll spend the rest of my July relaxing, crafting and having a meaningful Ramadhan.

#thehalalway

"For my dear Muslim youths, I usually tell them to veer off from such relationships but even if they were to want one at least the halal way would do." – Zulhafiz

This was how the hashtag, "thehalalway" was started. I completely agree with what brother Zulhafiz mentioned in his answers regarding muslims and relationships. Since I was already posting my drawings on twitter, I started #thehalalway drawings as a reminder for my muslim friends who were already in relationships.

However, the only halal relationship in Islam between a male and female non-mahrams, is marriage, yes, and most of us are well-aware of that fact. So how do you deal with this, if you are already in a "relationship". The answer is simple, nikah. However, it's may not be so simple for some.

Why?

"Oh, our parents don't know about us,"

This reason. Be it the parents on the guy's side or the girl's side or both, this reason is why the simple solution, has become complicated. I have one piece of advice to the muslims who are in relationships that their parents or their other half's parents are unaware of:

Tell them.
Be open, be honest to your parents. They want the best for you too. Yes, this is much easier said than done, but are you going to continue this relationship behind your parents' backs? Your parents who trust you to do the right thing every time you leave the house? Your parents who provided you with your education, made time for your happiness, looked after you growing up?

Your parents have put so much effort, strength and love to bring you up into the person that you are today. Have you ever considered, without my parents' dedication to me, I might have not met my boyfriend/girlfriend. Regardless of where and how and when you met them, be it school, work, the internet- who contributed the most? Who sent you to school? Who provided you with resources to access the internet? As you're reading this, right now, don't you think you owe your parents the truth?

They trust you.

Tell them. Just tell them.
Or are you going to wait a few years...but answer me this,
Who guaranteed you tomorrow?

Allah is All-Seeing, All-Knowing.

Stay honest and loving,
Nurul xx