on the first day, I was apprehensive to meet my relatives again. but after the small talk, shared laughter, poses, songs, and food – I warmed up a little. as I've written before, I wanted to change my diet to a pescatarian one. that didn't go too smoothly, because I was served food with meat. I didn't refuse it, but I did do a good job avoiding other meat options that weren't fish.
towards the end of the day, our family got to know that my maternal cousins would be visiting our place. despite our weariness, we pulled through and made sure that our place was tidy and that the food we served was prepped.
I did, however lapse back into a state of sadness when I found out the truth behind certain people on the first night of Syawal. they were people I looked up to, and to know they had made certain choices affected me. I had to let go, of course. I slept with such unease and misery, but woke up feeling a little lighter with the remnants of sorrow left in my heart.
but that's life.
I've had to make tough decisions based on how the people around me made me feel, so I don't have to question their actions. there are many times when I've missed a certain distant friend, but I can't really do much about it because of our past/history.
"Even in those darkest moments where you feel the most alone, you have to remember that the people who left you, left you for a reason. Sure, some people get back together after a period of separation, and sometimes they end up happier than ever. But every time you miss something about that person/those people, think about two things you hated. If the things you hated add up to more than the things you likes, it's time to let go."
and let go I did.
my mother recently told my sister, "when something/someone is taken away from you, Allah will replace it with something/someone better."
countless of times that statement had proved itself to be true in my timeline.
so, I'm grateful.
our second day of Syawal was good. I was exhausted, but I kept pushing on. I let myself enjoy the sweeter moments of our day, while holding onto the conversations that struck out to me. as promised (to myself), I started a Syawal journal. it was the same journal I started using back during the CNY period. back then, I had insta-storied several of my doodles/comics and tagged my cousins. they found it hilarious, of course, knowing me and my antics when it came to capturing our relationship.
I wrote out what felt important, and I'm glad that I did.
when our family left one of the houses earlier so that we could go back to our place to continue getting ready, my older sister and I took the opportunity to take our OOTD shots. looking back at those photos now, I can see how worried I looked.
goodness.
our cousins came over, and I grabbed the chance to take photo booth shots on my macbook (thank you boyfriend. once again, you've proved yourself worthy. I usually use my mac for candid shots – as seen on my first day and twelfth day post on instagram.).
other key events that occurred during Syawal were:
1. Masjid Darul Makmur Perjumpaan Raya
it was a gathering for all the teachers to bond. we met new staff members, and played games. the food was just oh my goodness I cannot. it was all too good.
2. the Queen's birthday
my Mama's birthday! if you saw my insta stories on that day, you'd remember that my mother and I carried out a plan. because Swensen's has an offer for those celebrating their birthday (you get a free ice-cream/discount), Mama told me to get my younger sister food first before meeting her there.
perks of living next to a mall. heh!
we ordered the food I was going to eat, and she left to go tutor (after passing my younger sister the food that I got her first).
I thoroughly enjoyed my meal and the ice cream, paid, and left for home.
afterwards, we went back to Ang Mo Kio because our tenants had promised us that they would treat Mama because it was her birthday. the food was so good and the portions were huge I kid you not. we had to pack most of what we ordered.
what was even cuter was how they got her a cake (her favourite flavour – which also happens to be mine) and played the happy birthday song over the speaker. so adorable.
3. Cousin's Jalan Raya
we couldn't join them in the morning because my older sister still had class, so by the time we reached our cousin's house, there were only a few houses left.
it was really fun though! we went over to our aunt's house again, but this time my nieces and nephews joined us. her father (my cousin) suggested that she asked me for help for one of her art assignments. it was super adorable having to colour with her in the place I saw her grew up in.
memories of her as a tiny baby came back, and I reminisced how lovely our childhoods were.
...
throughout the entire month, I got to savour how everyone celebrated Eid (thank you social media). It was lovely to know that the people dear to me spent their time well, even if I wasn't able to join them. I received reminders from the ones who cared about me, and that was really heartwarming.
I managed to finish my manuscripts, and I'm currently in the midst of making minor edits and drawing their accompanying illustrations. it took me a while, but relishing the joy that came with finishing a story really is something.
everything seems to be looking well so far, and Alhamdulillah for that.
nurulhuda
